Category Archives: Kendall

Wagonny ~ Chapter 1

Thirteen year old Carlos Garcia HATED algebra with a passion. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t interesting, and he was pretty sure that he was NEVER going to use it once he grew up. Which is why he was now trapped in his room with one of his best friends trying to tutor him on the subject. Logan LOVED algebra and was trying to convince Carlos that it was one of the necessities of life. Of course in Logan’s case, it was. The genius teen was planning on going to medical school with aspirations of being one of the greatest neurologists of all time.

“Carlos, are you listening?” Logan asked for the third time.

Carlos rolled his eyes, “Maybe?”

“This test counts for three quarters of our final grade. Didn’t Mama G say if you don’t pass you’ll be spending ALL of summer break in summer school?”

“But Logie…it’s SO BORING!” Carlos whined.

“It’s not boring and if you pay attention you’ll do just fine,” Logan said. He hated how everyone assumed that Carlos was stupid just because he was a fun-loving daredevil. Carlos actually did very well with his studies… when he paid attention. The trick was to make it interesting, and while Logan could make the other subjects fun for his friend, he just couldn’t manage it with algebra. He decided to try negotiating as he looked over at Carlos, who was sitting there drawing little sad faces in all the ‘0’s.

“Tell you what, if you start concentrating and finish the next two pages with at least eighty percent right, we’ll take a break and go do something fun.”

“Like what?” Carlos asked suspiciously. Logan and Carlos didn’t always agree on what was fun. For instance, Logan thought school was fun and Carlos completely disagreed with that.

“Your choice,” Logan smiled.

Carlos thought for a moment, “Well…it’s been a long time since we took Wagonny out.”

Wagonny was the slatted red wagon that Logan had been given as a Christmas present when he was five. The boys use to pull it everywhere when they were little, and when they were older, they got a little more daring. They use to ride Wagonny down what is now known as Broken Arm Hill, so dubbed for obvious reasons. First Logan and then Carlos had taken a tumble when they failed to make the turn at the bottom of the hill and each sported a cast for six weeks. They’d been banned from riding down hills after the incident last year in which Carlos, Logan, Kendall, and James had all piled in and crashed into a tree. All four ended up at the ER with multiple cuts and contusions and James with a piece of wood through his calf. He’d been sitting on the bottom with his long legs stretched out the length of the wagon with his three shorter friends sitting on top of him, so they’d all fit in at once. He had to have surgery to remove the 2″x3″ of wood and their parents had banned them from riding in it together. Logan had to beg his mom not to throw Wagonny away by promising that they’d be more careful in the future.

“Do you not remember what happened last year?” Logan asked.

“It’s not like we’re all going to ride together, it’s just you and me,” Carlos said.

“I don’t know, I don’t want my mom to throw Wagonny in the dumpster,” Logan said.

“She won’t, we’re keeping our promise to not have all four of us ride at once.”

“That’s true,” Logan said, pondering Carlos’ request. While people always underestimated Carlos’ intelligence, they also underestimated Logan’s willingness to take risks. He was actually quite the daredevil, often having to be talked out of doing something potentially dangerous by Kendall, who was the most responsible of the four friends.

“Well?” Carlos asked.

“Alright, it’s a deal. But you have to get eighty out of a hundred right,” Logan said.

Carlos nodded and started working on the problems. Half an hour later he’d finished and was watching Logan anxiously as he graded his paper. Logan shook his head as he went through the problems, “I can’t believe this.”

“What?” Carlos asked.

“You got ninety-eight out of a hundred…WHY can’t you do that in school?”

‘There’s nothing fun in school, now come on!” Carlos grinned as he pulled Logan out of his room.

They walked to the next block over and went around to the back of Logan’s house to the little shed where they kept gardening tools and Logan’s outdoor toys. After a few minutes of rearranging things they pulled Wagonny out. Logan carefully pulled the tarp off, “Still in great shape!”

Carlos nodded in agreement as he grabbed a can of WD-40 and carefully sprayed the axle and wheels, taking care to wipe off the excess. “She’s ready!”

Logan grabbed his bike helmet and they made their way down the alley to the main street and then walked to the school, pulling Wagonny along with them. They walked past the school about six blocks and then up the dirt road of a fairly steep, curving hill. It was a popular sledding hill in winter as there was very little traffic on the rural road.

Logan strapped on his helmet and steadied Wagonny as Carlos got in. He carefully got in, sitting in front of Carlos and holding tightly to the handle.”Are we ready?” Logan asked.

“Yup!” Carlos yelled, pushing off with his right foot.

Both boys whooped and shrieked in delight as they flew down the hill. After they stopped they both jumped out. “Do you want to go again?” Logan asked.

“That’s something you never have to ask!” Carlos grinned as he started pulling Wagonny back up the hill.

Logan laughed and followed Carlos up the hill. They went down three more times, alternating who steered. Logan looked at his watch, ” We better get back, it’s nearly time for dinner.”

“Awww, one more time?” Carlos begged, pushing out his lower lip.

“Okay, but I steer this time,” Logan said.

“Deal!” Carlos smiled as he started pulling Wagonny up the hill again.

They got to the top and Logan climbed in front of Carlos, “Okay, push off!”

Carlos pushed off and they started off down the hill again, laughing and shouting. They were about halfway down when Logan veered a little too far off the road and the front left wheel caught on the grass. He quickly put his foot out to try and push out, but it was too late. Wagonny flipped, back over front, and both boys went tumbling down the road.


One Sentence

Kendall stared at the words he had written in the worn-out notebook. He tore out the page and let it float to floor, where it settled among the other pages that lie there.

“Why should I care if you don’t?”

Another page torn and released to flutter down among the others.

“Lies, broken promises, regrets…what are their worth?”

He scribbled a line a page and then tore the papers out one by one and watched as they fell around his feet. He fought back the tears that were stinging at his eyes and could hear his mother’s voice, “You’re the man of the house and men don’t cry.”

Other voices flooded in from various people, “What do you have to be sad about? What’s the matter, finally realized you’re not good enough? Why can’t you get your act together and stop moping?”

“God I’m such a loser,” he thought.

He stared at the word he had just written without thinking, Friendship.

He glanced over at the framed photo on his desk and choked back a sob. Friendship, he tore the page from the notebook and let it fall as tears fell with it. He stared down at it for a few minutes and took a ragged breath as he slowly reached for his phone. He debated for a moment before sending a text, “Hey Loges, what’s up?”

He sat waiting for a reply and jumped when his phone beeped. He sighed as read the text, “Busy, can’t talk right now. Is it important?”

Kendall hesitated before replying, “Just feeling a little down and was hoping we could hang out or something?”

“Sorry buddy, trying to finish this paper and then going out to dinner with my mom.”

“Okay, well maybe later.”

“Why don’t you try Carlos?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Kendall typed and then hit send. Not receiving another reply he stared at the dark screen as he contemplated calling Carlos or James. He sighed as he sent a quick text to Carlos and waited about ten minutes for a reply. When he didn’t receive one he tried James, “Hey, wanna catch a movie or something? My mom’s out on a date and Katie is staying overnight at her friend’s house.”

He started picking up the papers as he waited for a reply, he thought about throwing them in the wastebasket, but stacked them neatly on his desk. His phone beeped and he checked his screen, “Sorry buddy, Carlos and I are double dating tonight.”

“What about later? My mom won’t be home until late and we haven’t hung out for awhile.”

“Dude, we are going on a DATE, with any luck we won’t be back until late either. Why don’t you call Logan? He’s probably just sitting at home with his nose in some book.”

“He’s busy with family stuff. What about tomorrow?” Kendall typed.

“I don’t know, we’ll have to see. I might be hanging out with Josh and Ben.”

“Come on James, we never do anything anymore. Can’t you guys hang out some other time? We could have like a guys’ day or something. Watch scary movies, have snacks and things,” Kendall asked, hating that he sounded so needy.

“We’re not twelve anymore you know. Maybe if you thought of more grown-up things to do we could hang out more,” James replied.

Kendall stared at his phone, uncertain of how to reply. On one hand he was mad and on the other he was hurt…very hurt. He typed his response carefully, “I just thought we could all hang out like we use to but nobody seems to have time anymore. I miss you guys and just thought it’d be fun.”

He sat there and bit his lip as he waited for a reply. He waited for a few minutes and when there was none, just left his phone on the bed as he grabbed the notebook and wrote again.

He pulled the page out and left it on the bed next to his phone as he stood up and went back to the desk. He looked at the stack of papers and gently pushed them and watched as they fluttered to the ground. He grabbed the framed photo and sat back down on the bed and pulled the photo out. He touched each one of his friend’s faces and then lay it next to his phone as he curled up and stared at it, “I miss you. I’m so lonely and things are so hard. I hate school, I hate work, I hate my mom’s boyfriend, and I hate my life right now. You promised you’d always be there, but you left me behind. Everyone leaves,” he said quietly to himself.

He lay there quietly for a moment and then took a deep breath. He got up, grabbed his jacket and headed downstairs and out the door, never looking back. He didn’t hear his phone beep or see the text that came across, “Sorry buddy, my phone died and I had to find my charger. You’re right, we do need to hang out so I’ll tell Carlos and you call Logan, okay? Let me know you got this message.”

The next morning James and Carlos showed up at Kendall’s house and Mrs. Knight answered. “Good morning boys, you haven’t been over in awhile.”

“Kendall wanted to hang out today and he never answered me last night so we thought we’d just head over and get an early start,” James explained.

“I think he’s still sleeping, go on up,” she smiled.

‘Thanks,” the boys smiled as they headed upstairs.

Carlos knocked on Kendall’s door but there was no answer. He knocked again, “Time to get up!”

He opened the door, but there was no one in the room. “I thought he was still sleeping?” he asked as they went into the room.

They saw the papers scattered on the floor and James spotted Kendall’s phone on the bed. He went over and picked it up, “That’s weird.”

“James…” Carlos said as he pointed at the photo and the paper that was lying next to it.

“No,” James said as he picked it up. On the paper was written one sentence, one question, one cry of loneliness and sorrow. One small sentence, but it said it all and their hearts broke as they read it.

“Would you miss me if I were gone?” kendallsosweet

Accidentally In Love part 1

Okay, Logan, don’t freak out. There’s a logical reason for this, Logan told himself as he paced in front of his bed. He racked his mind for any logical reason he could think of, but he drew a blank.

His thought process, or lack thereof, was interrupted when he heard a loud thud coming from the living room. The sound was followed by more thumps and muffled arguing. He sighed and exited his room to find James and Carlos wrestling on the floor.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked, folding his arms as he watched Carlos put James in a headlock.

“Watch the hair! Watch the hair!” James exclaimed, waving his arms around before pushing against the arm his head was trapped in. Carlos raised his other arm and roughly gave James a noogie, promptly messing up his hair.

James let out a shrill cry, using his legs and tossing himself and Carlos across the floor, pinning him down. “Oh, so you wanna play dirty, do you?” James growled at Carlos.

Carlos lifted his shoulders slightly, being trapped under James weight saying, “Bring it!”

“Guys!” Logan yelled, trying to get their attention. When both boys looked to him, he asked again, “What are you doing?”

James glared at Carlos. “He used the last of my cologne!”

“You said I could!” Carlos retorted.

“I said use the non-expensive one!” James snapped.

“Since when do you have non-expensive things?!” Carlos asked. James went still for a moment, before nodding in agreement.

“But did you have to use the one that was almost empty? I was saving it for my date tonight!” James shouted.

“Well maybe next time you should be more specific!” Carlos stated, pushing James off him when he felt his grip on him loosening.

Logan rolled his eyes as the two continued to argue. He went over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. He didn’t bother with breaking them up since it was now only a verbal argument, and honestly he could use the distraction. He placed his forearms on the counter, opening the bottle and watching his friends argue over the cologne issue.

The volume of their words rose and he missed the sound of the front door opening. “What’s going on?” Kendall’s voice cut through their yells and made all of their heads turn towards him. “What are you two arguing about this time?”

Kendall rolled his eyes when his answer came in them shouting and pointing at each other. They were right back to their argument. He walked over to Logan and stood beside him.

“I’m assuming it’s not a big deal?” he asked the genius of the group. Logan swallowed inaudibly and scooted away from the blond.

“Carlos used the last of James’ cologne. The cologne he was saving for his date tonight.” Kendall nodded in understanding. “Well, I’m gonna go meet Camille.” Logan made quick haste to the door and left, going to the elevator.


“Logan!” Camille said with a smile when she opened her door and saw him there. “Hey, what’s up?”

Logan jammed his hands into his jean pockets and shrugged. “I was just wondering…” Camille smiled up at him, her eyes bright. “…If you wanted to…you know…hang out?”

Before he knew what was happening, his cheek was suddenly stinging. It took him a few seconds to grasp the fact that she had just slapped him.

“Ow…” he mumbled, putting his hand on his abused cheek.

“I’d love to,” she answered, grabbing his hand and stepping out into the hall. She pulled her door closed with her other hand and led him down the hall to the elevator.


Logan allowed Camille to convince him to go to the mall. He also allowed her to convince him into taking photos in one of the photo booths. They made silly faces in one, stuck their tongues out at one another, gave each other bunny ears in the next one; he kissed her cheek in the second to last one, and she kissed his lips in the last one.

He looked them over with her, his smile falling as he looked at the last one. It may seem like they were happy in love, but every time they kissed, he felt no spark. He felt her hand slip into his and she led him further into the mall.


After spending all day with Camille, Logan finally found himself in his and Kendall’s room. Logan sat on his bed keeping himself deeply engulfed in the book he was reading, allowing the contents of each page to fill his mind.

He was determined to rid his mind of the thoughts that had been plaguing him for the past few weeks now. Now that his main distraction was back in her room after hours at the mall, he had to resort to his original distraction. This was a method he used when he literally couldn’t think of anything but the unwelcome thoughts. Reading used to be mainly about wanting to learn or refresh his memory on things he has learned. But now it was his way of distracting himself.

Sadly, this only worked when his reason for these thoughts was out of the room. When he heard the front door open and the sound of Mama Knight and Kendall’s voices, he knew he would have to come up with more effective ways of clearing his head.

He closed his book with a sigh and leaned against his pillow more firmly. A few weeks ago he had what would be seen by most people as a common, innocent interaction with Kendall. The one thing they did a lot was wrap their arms around one another’s shoulders in a brief one-armed hug. Except this time, he felt…something from the contact. Instead of it just being a simple casual hug, he actually felt something he used to feel when he hugged Camille—albeit more intimately—but still. His heart had practically jumped out of his ribcage the moment he felt Kendall put his arm around him. And he blushed…majorly. He had to claim it was sunburn when James asked him why he was so red. After that statement, he took off, claiming he was going to put some more sunscreen on.

Since then he had been so confused on what the change was and where it was coming from. Mainly, he was trying to figure out a way to remedy it before it got out of hand. He tried spending more time with Camille and that only succeeded in him noticing a lack of that something special he once had with her. Now all he felt was guilt for leading her on, but he needed her. She was a great distraction…and a cover up.

He also tried spending less time around Kendall. But being roommates, he could only avoid him for so long. In fact, he noticed that the less time he spent around the blond, the stronger his heart pounded when he finally did see him again.

He had gone so far as to avoid sitting next to him during meals, when they watched movies, and when they were rehearsing a song and a dance. Some of these things he changed really threw the group as a whole off, so he eventually gave in and went back to the way things were, for the rehearsals at least.

All in all, he did not like this change one bit. He was glad that no one seemed to notice anything was off about him or between him and Kendall. Not even Katie was looking at him like she knew something was up. He sometimes wondered if Kendall could sense a change.

Probably too caught up in Jo, Logan thought with some malice in his mind. He felt his stomach drop at the obvious jealousy he was feeling. Oh, God, this isn’t good… He jumped out of his bed, book forgotten and bolted to the door, yanking it open and running right into a hard wall. He staggered back, shaking his head.

“Ow, geez, Logan, what’s the rush?” Kendall asked, rubbing his chest from where Logan had collided into him.

“I-I I just…” Logan stumbled over his words, this being his first time today looking directly at Kendall. His heart was racing as he looked into his green eyes. He shook his head once more to clear his mind. “I think I left something at Camille’s.”

Kendall nodded, walking into the room. Logan walked past him to leave, but Kendall calling his name stopped him. “Actually, could I talk to you about something?” Logan turned, seeing Kendall sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Uh…sure, of course,” Logan said with a nod, shutting the door and sitting beside his best friend, but not too close. “What’s up?”

Kendall remained silent for a moment, staring straight ahead in thought. Logan shifted slightly beside him, conflicted between wanting to be around Kendall and feeling the need to flee at the same time. “Jo and I have been having issues for a while now,” Kendall finally said. Logan looked at him, seeing the distress and pain in his expression. “No matter what we do, we always end up arguing over something.”

Logan remained silent, not sure if there was more Kendall wanted to say. He cursed himself mentally at feeling some sort of happiness over their dilemma. He really needed to get out of there.

“What should we do, Logan?” Kendall asked, looking over at the brunet. Logan bit his lip, averting his gaze away from Kendall.

“Um, well…have you guys been spending all of your time together?” he asked. Kendall nodded. “Maybe you guys should take a break. Take some time for yourselves?” he offered uncertainly, not sure if the blond would like the idea.

Kendall thought about it and a huge grin spread across his face. “I didn’t even think of that! Logie, you are such a genius!” He pulled Logan into a tight hug, capping the affectionate gesture off with a kiss to his cheek. “I’m gonna go talk to Jo now. Thanks, Logie!” he exclaimed, and was up and out of the room in seconds.

Logan sat stock still where Kendall had left him. His body felt numb from the hug and his cheek was literally tingling from the kiss. His heart was racing faster than it ever had before and he could hear it pounding in his ears. “Oh, God,” Logan mumbled to himself. This was bad, very, very bad.

He stood from the bed and left the room, making his way slowly out of the apartment. He needed to think.


Kendall found Jo out by the pool going over lines with Camille. He smiled as he approached them. “Jo?”

She looked up and smiled at Kendall. Camille went to get a drink, giving them some time alone. “Hey, Kendall,” she replied.

“I thought about how we’ve been doing nothing but fight, and I got some advice,” he began, looking at her to make sure this subject wouldn’t spark another argument. She nodded, waiting for him to continue. “Maybe we’re spending too much time together,” he said. Jo’s smile fell.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she asked, sitting up straighter.

“No, no, no!” Kendall said, shaking his head urgently. Jo relaxed. “Not really, at least. Maybe we should, you know, take a break?”

Jo glanced at her script for a moment before looking at Kendall. “A break? Like, take time for ourselves?”

“Yeah, some time apart. It’ll help with our constant arguing,” he said. Jo smiled.

“Sounds fine to me. So, what are the do’s and don’ts?” Kendall smiled. Logan was an absolute genius.


After discussing the terms of their break, Kendall left Jo to finish studying her lines and made his way back to 2J.

Exiting the elevator on their floor, Kendall stepped out and spotted Logan pacing outside their door. He raised an eyebrow and walked over to the shorter boy. “Hey, Logie, what are you doing?”

Logan jumped at Kendall’s sudden appearance and turned to face him. “U-um…” He couldn’t think at all when he was looking at or talking to Kendall. His mind just went fuzzy and all he could think about was Kendall. How beautiful his eyes were, his sweet voice, and those thick but adorable eyebrows of his that make no sense compared to his blond hair. And those lips…those sinfully soft, full lips that leave a lingering tingling aftermath on anything they touch. Logan had to fight the urge to touch his cheek, where the tingling sensation still resided.

Kendall watched Logan in confusion and concern. It wasn’t often Logan was at a loss for words, and this normally occurred when he was in trouble or extremely nervous. Now that he thought about it, Logan has been acting off for a while now. “Is someone bothering you?” Kendall asked, his tone taking on annoyance at the idea and a protective tone Logan recognized immediately.

Logan smiled slightly at the tone and shook his head. “No…I-I’m just trying to decide if I wanna…take the stairs or the elevator.”

Kendall’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t know what shocked him more-what Logan said, or the obvious sign that he was lying to him. Logan never lied to him. It was almost physically impossible for Logan to lie in general. But to him? Logan’s never tried, not once. But here he was, doing so, and poorly at that.


“Did you and Jo talk?” Logan interrupted. Kendall sighed and nodded. “Great! Well, I gotta go!” He took off before Kendall could stop him. Kendall shook his head in confusion before turning to call back to Logan,

“Camille’s out by the pool!” Logan waved at him before getting into the elevator. Kendall furrowed his eyebrows before going inside the apartment. He sighed heavily when he found James and Carlos fighting about something else. “What now?” So much for thinking over Logan’s weird behavior.


Logan was two paces short of running out to the pool. Camille looked up when he came out and barely said his name before she was pulled from her seat beside Jo and into a fierce kiss.

Logan was searching desperately for that old spark he once felt with Camille, but there was nothing. He refused to relinquish his hold on her until he felt it. After a few more seconds, she pushed him back to breathe. “Logan?” she gasped, breathless from his kiss. He searched her eyes, seeing confusion and some hints of lust. “What’s going on?”

“Well,” Jo said with laughter in her tone. Both brunets looked over at her. “He was perfectly in character.” She pointed to the script. “‘Ethan rushes to Kristen’s side and pulls her into a desperate, passion-filled kiss’. Great timing Logan!”

Camille looked back at him. “Logan?” She searched his eyes for any ideas as to what was going on. He sighed, loosening his grip on her, but not letting go.

“I-I have to talk to you…”


Kendall sat on the couch, cheek resting in his palm. He was dimly aware of Carlos and James arguing over their game, but was too thoughtful to shut them up.

Finally, he had to voice his thoughts, “Have you guys noticed anything off about Logan?” They looked at him briefly before going back to their game.

“Dude, where have you been?” James asked. “Logan has been weird all month.” Kendall threw his arms out.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me this?” Kendall asked.

“You’ve been busy with Jo,” Carlos said with a shrug. Kendall rolled his eyes.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t wanna know when something’s wrong with one of my friends!” he exclaimed. “Do you think it’s about him and Camille?”

“Beats me. He hasn’t complained about her, and you know he would if it was about her,” James said.

“So he hasn’t told you guys anything?” he asked. They shook their heads. Kendall sighed once more. He didn’t like this.


“Logan, what is it?” Camille asked after they walked to the park. She grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together, leading him to a tree where they each took a seat.

Logan stared at their intertwined hands for a few seconds before looking away with a breath. He didn’t know how he was going to tell her everything. He knew he couldn’t keep using her. Maybe once he got this out of the way, he could focus on dealing with everything else. That’s if Camille took it well, which he doubted.

First thing he did was pull his hand gently out of Camille’s. He could feel her eyes on him. “Camille…”

“Logan, talk to me,” she said, turning his face towards her so their eyes could meet.

Logan searched her eyes briefly before going into his explanation. “I-I’ve been…using you as a distraction for the last month. I haven’t felt any attraction for you since…”

Camille looked hurt and confused. “Logan, what are you talking about?” He sighed heavily.

“Camille, I do like you. It’s just…”

“Someone else?” she asked softly. Logan took her hand and held it, squeezing it softly.

“It’s complicated,” he said, keeping eye contact this time. She looked heartbroken, but nodded slowly. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said, squeezing her hand again. “It’s just…I wanted to make this work. I was hoping that spark would come back, but…”

“Tell me about the situation?” she asked. Logan looked away immediately.

“I don’t think I can…”


James and Carlos watched Kendall pace in front of them. They had to pause their game when Kendall’s pacing started and blocked the TV. “Kendall, why are you freaking out?” James asked.

“Yeah, it’s not like we all haven’t had problems before,” Carlos added.

“I know! But Logan normally says something!” Kendall said. He looked at them, but was met with blank faces. “Guys, Logan normally says something!” he repeated, as though saying it another time would make them see this as the huge issue he saw it as.

“Maybe Logan wants to solve this issue himself,” Carlos suggested.

“Yeah, you can’t expect him to run to us over every little thing, can you?” James asked. Kendall sighed and sat down beside them with a huff.

“I guess not. But I’m gonna talk to him later,” he said. The two nodded and resumed their game.


“Logan, you can talk to me. I’m not upset about you liking someone else. If you can forgive me for kissing James, then I think it’s fair to hear you out about what’s going on,” Camille said gently, rubbing his back.

“The problem is I still have a lot to think about,” he told her. “And I would rather not think about it.” She nodded in understanding. He looked at her. “Thanks for not hating me,” he laughed lightly. “And I really am sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, Logan,” she said, hugging him. “We’re still friends.”


Kendall looked up from watching his friends play their game when he heard the door open. He fought the urge to jump up when he saw it was Logan coming in. He really wanted to question him, but he could tell by looking at him that now wasn’t the best time to do so.

Logan stopped and looked at the TV, contemplating if he wanted to sit and join his friends. He looked at Kendall and decided to go into his room instead. So he turned and made way for his room, shutting the door behind him.

Kendall frowned and looked back at the game. Maybe he would talk to him sooner than he thought.

Logan kicked his shoes off and lay on his bed. All he accomplished was breaking up with Camille. So now he had a half guilt-free mind of falling for Kendall. But there was still Jo, and the fact that Kendall was straight. But at least on his end no one could get hurt. Except himself.

He sighed and grabbed his book from the foot of his bed and sat up, resting against his pillow and opened it and began to read.

He read for about an hour, getting engrossed in the plot of the story. He didn’t acknowledge the door opening and closing and Kendall sitting on his bed across from him. “Logan,” Kendall called softly.

Logan jumped and looked at Kendall in surprise, not knowing he had entered the room. “Hey Kendall,” he replied, going back to his book. Inwardly he was panicking.

“So, Loges, I was thinking, how about you and I hang out for a little while?” he suggested with a smile. Logan eyed Kendall uneasily.

“I have studying to do later,” he replied, looking back at the page he was reading. Normally he would have jumped at the chance to spend time with Kendall, but he was suspicious of the blond’s intentions.

Kendall’s expression dropped at the rejection and he nodded, seemingly in shock at the words that Logan said. Honestly, he could tell Logan was lying and it pained the blond to see it happening twice in two hours’ time. Since when did Logan feel the need to lie to him? Has Logan been lying to him this past month and he’s only just now noticing it? The idea sent a pang of hurt into his heart.

He watched the brunet reading his book intently. Kendall had the feeling that Logan was trying to avoid looking at or conversing with him. He stood from his bed and went over to Logan’s side, sitting down across from the shorter boy. Logan glanced at him before looking back at his book. Kendall watched him for a few seconds before covering the page Logan was reading with his hand. “Logan,” he said gently, making Logan look up to meet his eyes.

“Kendall,” Logan said, ready to stop whatever question he was going to ask.

“Don’t lie to me, Logan,” he said softly. Logan looked down. “What’s wrong?” Logan racked his brain for something to tell Kendall. Then he remembered Camille.

“Uh, well…Camille and I broke up today,” he said. Kendall looked surprised but he nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry, Logie,” he said, moving his hand from the book and rubbing his back affectionately. “I guess that makes us both single for a little while.” Logan nodded, not sure what to say.

The next day Kendall decided he would make Logan hang out with him. After their chat yesterday, Kendall realized how out of sync they were and he was determined to fix that. What better way to do so than by hanging out? He was looking forward to spending time with Logan again.


“Come on Logan, the pool awaits!” Kendall called from the living room.

Logan reluctantly left their shared room dressed in his swim trunks and a tank top, flip flops on his feet.

Kendall gave him an excited grin that made Logan blush slightly and smile in return. “Let’s go!” Kendall said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him from the apartment.

When they reached the elevator, Logan chuckled. “Kendall, it’s just the pool. It’s not going anywhere.”

“I know, Logie, but it’s the pool with you. When was the last time you and I hung out at the pool?” Or at all lately?

Logan looked down guiltily. He hadn’t realized how much Kendall missed him, or maybe he hadn’t wanted to think about it. He looked up when he felt an arm drape around his shoulders, smiling green eyes looking at him.

He smiled in return as the elevator dinged and opened. They stepped in, Logan very aware of the arm hugging him close.

Logan sat on one of the pool chairs while Kendall got a couple Smoothies for them. He missed hanging out with his best friend, but part of him was thinking of it as a date even though he knew it wasn’t.

He closed his eyes against the sun and listened to the sounds of talking and laughter, the occasional splash from the pool topping the joyous sounds off.

He heard the chair next to him make a squeak as Kendall returned. “Here you go, Logie.” Logan looked at him and smiled. “Strawberry mango.”

“Thanks,” he said, taking the drink and sipping it.


They drank their smoothies in silence and once they finished, the pool was empty, the occupants now sunbathing. Kendall grinned as he eyed his relaxing friend before standing silently. He tip-toed away from him quietly.

It didn’t take Logan long to sense Kendall’s missing presence. In fact, as soon as he left his side he felt it. He opened his eyes and looked around, sitting up slightly to get a better view behind himself. “Kendall?”

A sudden rush of wind and the blur of a person running past him made Logan blink as a familiar voice rang out, “Cannonball!” He watched Kendall submerge under the water and laughed lightly. He had definitely been spending too much time with Carlos.

Kendall surfaced, shaking his wet hair out of his face and swimming towards Logan. “Come on!”

Logan immediately shook his head no. Kendall pouted and Logan looked at his drink, stirring it despite the fact that it was empty.

“Logie… ” Kendall continued pouting at his best friend. Logan tried with all his might not to blush at the nickname, but he was pretty much putty in Kendall’s hands when he used it. And Kendall knows that. He doesn’t abuse it, so when he does use it he knows Logan will eventually cave. Luckily for Logan, Kendall uses the nickname more for affection than to get his way.

But not this time around.

“Come on, Logie, please?” Logan looked at Kendall, hearing the pout in his voice. He melted when he saw the infamous Knight puppy dog eyes trained on him.

Heaving out an overdramatized sigh, he set his plastic cup aside and removed his tank top, blushing once more even though he knew Kendall didn’t look at him like that. He set the shirt onto his chair after standing. He saw Kendall was waving at Jo and sighed.

He sat down by the edge of the pool beside Kendall and put his legs in the water.

Kendall examined his current position and smiled a smile that would have looked completely innocent to anyone else, but Logan knew Kendall. He saw the sudden twinkle in his eyes.

Of course, he saw it a second too late and he was soon pulled into the pool completely by his arm.

He gasped under the water and swam to the surface, coughing and sputtering as he tried to get the water from his system. Once he calmed he became aware of Kendall laughing. With a half-hearted glare he splashed him, effectively shutting him up.

Logan laughed, causing Kendall to smile as he recalled that it had been awhile since Logan laughed like that. It sent a warmth throughout his body at knowing he was able to bring that sound back.

He smiled wider when he saw Logan’s cheeks turn a pale pink under his gaze. Logan always blushed when he was being looked at longer than he was comfortable with. Being a celebrity obviously didn’t change that.

He splashed him back and soon a water war was unleashed.

When they had accidentally soaked the people surrounding the pool and Mr. Bitters came out yelling and threatening to ban them from the pool, they exited it and sat down in their pool chairs once more.

They were soaked from head to toe, but both were sporting huge grins that didn’t seem like they’d be fading anytime soon.

Kendall ignored Logan’s protesting as he dragged him along through the lobby. He didn’t tell his friend where they were going. Logan didn’t even know they were hanging out today. He had been intently reading one of his medical books when Kendall had snatched it and stated, “Let’s go.”

Now he was beginning to panic when Kendall led him to the Big Time Rush mobile. Wherever they were going, it must’ve been a ways away. “Kendall, it’s getting late. You know your mom will have an ulcer if she finds out we’re gone after dark.” He looked out the window, fidgeting with his hands nervously.

Kendall chuckled as he drove. “Remember when we were nine and camped out in my backyard?”

Logan blinked before smiling. “Yeah.”

“You wanted to roast marshmallows the real way, for s’mores. When my mom said no and made some with the oven, I could tell you were disappointed. I felt terrible that I couldn’t keep my promise.”

Logan blushed. He remembered that. He had been crushed. Kendall had promised they would make a campfire solely for the purpose of roasting marshmallows to make s’mores.

“Does that relate to where we’re going?” he asked, looking at Kendall. He examined his features as he awaited an answer. God, he was so beautiful… Logan’s eyes widened at the thought and he quickly averted his gaze back out the window.

Kendall smiled to himself. He had considered the fact that doing this was a little dramatic. The trouble they would be in was gonna be intense, but he found himself not caring. Sure they broke rules and got in trouble often enough, but this was another level. Staying out overnight without his mom’s permission was probably one of the craziest things he’d done…so far. But he was still determined to keep that promise to Logan. Even if it meant traveling a short-ish distance at night without permission to do so.

He glanced at Logan, noting the fidgety hands in his lap. He chuckled softly as he focused on the road.

Logan’s heart was racing as he watched them get further and further away from L.A. He could only imagine the trouble they would be in when they got home.

The sun had finally set. They were officially dead.

He jumped when he felt a hand cover his still fidgeting ones, stopping their movements. “Relax, Logie,” Kendall whispered. Logan’s cheeks heated up at the contact. He looked down at their hands and then at Kendall.

Kendall squeezed his hands reassuringly before pulling back to grip the steering wheel as he made a right turn.

Logan sighed softly, his hands tingling from the contact. He folded them in his lap and a few seconds later his knee started to bounce, replacing the fidgeting he had been doing minutes ago.

Kendall glanced at him once more and shook his head with a smile. Logan was adorable.

“Kendall… are you sure we should be doing this?”

“Logan, the worst punishment we may get is being grounded. Relax. We’re almost there now.”

It’d been a few weeks since they had started hanging out again and Kendall’s noticed a few things about himself and Logan that he was certain wasn’t there before.

Tonight he was gonna find out what that was.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion when Kendall parked alongside the woods on the outskirts of L.A.

“What’s going on Kendall?” he asked, looking to the blond for an answer. Kendall just grinned and exited the car, going to the trunk.

Despite his uneasiness, Logan got out of the car as well and went back to Kendall.

“Here,” Kendall said, draping a jacket over him. “It’s cold tonight.”

Logan smiled as he put his arms into the sleeves and zipped the jacket up. Kendall handed him some gloves and put a beanie on his head.

Once Logan was layered up, he did the same for himself.

Haunting Memories (Chapter 3)

After the boys were finished with their meals they headed back home.

“So what are we going to do now? Ohhh how about we go to the pool?” Carlos suggested happily.

Logan and James glared at him while Kendall didn’t even paid attention and went straight for the big orange couch.

“Oh. Sorry.” Carlos whispered guilty when he noticed his mistake.

They went to Kendall and sat down beside him.

Logan on his right side, James on his left and Carlos sat in front of them on the floor.

“You still don’t want to talk?” James asked quietly and as careful as possible, knowing exactly how easy you could get Kendall to build walls around him and refuse to show his emotions.

“What is there to talk about?” Kendall asked looking at his feet.

“Kendall, since it happened you never wanted to talk to anyone about it. You know that it’s not good to keep too much inside. We just want you to be okay,…” Logan begun.

“I AM okay!” Kendall yelled, suddenly angry again.

His friends backed off, surprised by his sudden outburst.

Kendall noticed how his friend reacted and calmed himself.

“Sorry guys. I didn’t want to yell at you.” he said looking back at his feet again.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Logan told him and patted his shoulder.

“Maybe you should have gone with your mom and Katie. It could have helped to distract you.” Carlos told him.

“But I don’t want to be distracted! That would mean I’m trying to forget about him and I won’t do that. Ever!” Kendall got louder again, feeling the tears starting to form and tried to fought the urge to let them fall.

That didn’t happen at his fathers funeral, not together with his mom and sister when they cried and never since then, so why should he cry now?!

“We didn’t mean it like that buddy. We just meant that it could have been good for you to make yourself forget about that day, not him…” Logan started, feeling uncomfortable.

The blond didn’t answer he still looked at his feed, trying desperately to keep the tears inside.

“Kendall. We just want to help… .” Carlos said, also feeling tears starting to form when he saw how much all of this hurt his youngest friend.

“I’m not the one who need help. My dad was the one who needed help but it came too late… .” Kendall said, voice cracking.

“You know, we don’t even know how it happened. We just know that it did happen…” James told him.

Now the blond looked up at them.

“Has nobody told you?” he asked them unbelieving.

They shook their heads.

“Everyone said if you want to tell us then it would be alright, but otherwise we shouldn’t ask or something like that…” Logan said.

“Oh.” Kendall replied.

Now he’s the one who feels bad. He knew that they all loved his dad too. They were all like a huge family.

When Kendall was in his room with them they never asked about the accident so the thought they just didn’t want to make him talk about it.

He didn’t knew that they had no clue how his dad died in the car crash.

Kendall thought for a moment while biting his nails until it hurts.

“Do you want to know what happened?” he asked quietly.

They all new that this was a big step for Kendall, now they have to be careful.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want us to know.” Logan said.

“It is your decision. We’re not pushing you to do something.” James continued.

Carlos just nodded, agreeing with his friends.

“It okay guys, I know that you loved him too. It’s not fair that you never got told something.”

Kendall thought back to what happened that day, a memory he usually refused to think about. He knew it would hurt to talk about it, but it would help him to do it. Also it would be only fair to tell the boys.

Kendall started explaining what really happened before his dad died:

Kendall’s Flashback (2):

Kendall groaned when he woke up, feeling something warm trickle down his leg and a horrible pain everywhere.

He could smell smoke and blood but urged himself to open his eyes.

He blinked several times before he was able to open them completely.

He looked around where he was but couldn’t make out something.

He started to feel panic raise in his chest and tried to calm himself, knowing it would make everything worse if he panicked.

‘What happened?’ he thought, still trying to make out where he was.

And the he noticed it.

He was in his dads car. But something was wrong.

It was flipped over and he laid across the roof in the inside. Obviously his seat belt has ripped cut and he landed here.

He made a move to sit up but a sudden pain in his leg stopped him dead in tracks.

“Ahh!’ he cried out, overwhelmed by this new pain.

He carefully looked down at himself, ignoring the strong and painful throbbing in his head and saw that his leg was not only broken, his flesh was torn and you could see the bone clearly even when it’s so dark.

His leg was twisted and laid uncomfortable.

There was so much blood. He had broken bones before, thanks to hockey, but it never hurt like that.

But still there was way too much blood to be alone from his leg.

He looked to his left, where was his dad? How was he?

He tried to see something through the dark but after a while he was sure his dad wasn’t in his seat anymore.

Kendall felt tears tickle the back of his eye and made little moves to get out of the car.

He needed to get to his father.

Not knowing in what condition his dad was made Kendall’ stomach queasy.

“Dad?” he rasped out. Shocked when he heard his own voice so hoarse and weak.

The blond cleared his throat and tried it again a little louder.


No answer.

Kendall crawled through his window, not caring if he could hurt himself even more because of the shattered glass.

He fell out of the window and hit the floor hard.

“AAHHHRG!” he screamed out. He was in an unbearable pain, but he ignored it.

He has to find his father.

“Where are you dad?” he sobbed quietly.

“Kenny?” he heard his dad’ voice and almost jumped from joy.

“Dad?!” he called back, trying to make out where he was.

“I’m hear..” he heard him again.

The little blond followed the sound of his voice until he was on the front side of the turned car.

What he saw there almost made him throw up.

There his dad lay. His flesh ripped open with blood running down and covering almost his whole body.

Ken’ face was covered in deep, painful looking cuts and was whiter that the snow.

But the worst part was the huge piece of metal which stung out of his stomach where he had his hands around it.

When the older man saw his little son crawl over the floor, hurt and bleeding it broke his heart which hurts worse than his body itself.

He fought himself to smile at Kendall.

That was it for Kendall, he turned his head to the side and threw up heavily.

The heaves hurt his body to no end, he felt his ribs crack more with every new heave.

“Kendall. Come here please.” his father called for him, wanting nothing more than comforting his little boy and because he couldn’t move he needed to call him.

The blond, panting heavily moved over the few meters to his dad.

When he arrived his body hurt even more, which he thought wasn’t even possible but was proved wrong.

Ken opened an arm as best as he could and Kendall crawled in it, burying his face in his side and started sobbing.

“No, c’mon big man. There is no need to cry. Everything will be fine.” he tried to calm the terrified boy even if he knew he was not telling the truth.

Kendall just started sobbing harder. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that what his father said were lies. But he wanted to believe it so badly.

“Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay.” he stroked Kendall’ sweet and blood covered hair.

Finally the young blond was able to stop sobbing but the tears continued running down his eyes constantly.

“Daddy…”he looked up at him, green eyes meeting green eyes.

It shattered Kens heart when he heard his son call him in such a frighten voice.

“I know buddy. Don’t worry okay?” he said, not sure how to response.

“How could I not worry dad. I-I want to help you.” he pleaded.

Kens eyes started watering.

He didn’t want to tell his 10-year-old son that there was nothing he could do to

stop what’s going to happen.

“Actually there is something important you can do for me.” he told him.

“Really?” Kendall asked, a little bit hope starting to grow.

“Yes. You can promise me something… .” he continued.

Kendall’ face fell again, tears getting bigger.

“Can you promise me something?” he asked when his son didn’t response.

The blond nodded slowly.

Ken looked him deep in the eyes and tighten his hold on Kendall which was still so weak.

“Kendall. I need you to take care of mommy and your little sister when… when I can’t do that anymore.” he started.

“But-but daddy, why won’t you be able to do that anymore?” Kendall asked unusual naïve.

“Oh Kenny, why are you making it so hard for me?” he asked sadly and quiet so Kendall couldn’t really hear.

“Sometimes” he started and took a deep breathe, noticing how hard it was to breath. “people have to leave, even if they don’t want to.” he sadly.

Kendall nodded. He knew what dead was, but he just thought only old and sick people would die. This was new for him.

“And I’m not sure if I can be here long enough to take care of your mom, you and your sister.” he said.

“I don’t understand this, where will you go when you won’t stay here?” he asked.

“I will go to a wonderful place where I’ll wait for you until you join me.” he smiled no longer able to hold back the tears when he saw Kendall’ face.

Kendall knew exactly what his dad was talking about but he didn’t want to believe it.

“I don’t want you to go dad! Please stay with me. Don’t leave me alone.” Kendall pleaded holding tight at his father.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t help it Kendall. I don’t want to leave either.” he said and laid his head on Kendall’, carefully so he won’t hurt his injured son.

“Kendall, we need to call help. Can you please take my phone out of my left pocket and call 911?” he asked him.

Kendall did as he was told and made a quick call but not without crying. He thought he has never cried this much and this long in his life.

They promised him help would come as soon as possible and they should hang on.

They hugged each other again, enjoying the warmth.

They cried together for about an hour or two, none of them saying anything.

Ken could feel that he got weaker by the second. He needed to stay awake, he doesn’t want to imagine what it would be like for Kendall if he died with him in his arms.

But he felt so tired, why wasn’t help already there?

Ken decided to do something. He won’t let it happen that he fade away while holding his son awake so he could see everything.

“Come on buddy. Maybe we should sleep a bit.” he said, trying to smile.

Kendall looked at him.

“You’ll be there when I wake up, right?” he asked quietly.

“I’ll always be with you Kendall. Even if you can’t see me I’ll never leave you, your mom or Katie. I love you.” he said.

Kendall started crying softly again.

That wasn’t the answer he wanted, but he knew that his dad couldn’t give him the answer he wants to hear.

“I love you too daddy.” he said and buried his face in his dad’s side again.

“Good night Kenny.”

“Sleep well dad.” he said.

With that they both fell asleep.

End of the flashback



… the boys in apartment 2J listened to every word the blond said. By now all of them were tearing up and tried not to let the tears fall.

“When I woke up there were paramedics around me. They asked me questions like ‘What’s your name?’, “Where does it hurt?’ and things like that.

I didn’t know what was happening. I just knew that everything hurts

I tried to crawl more into my father, getting away from too much attention but I noticed how cold and stiff he suddenly was…

I looked at him and- and saw that he was dead.” Kendall told them. He talked as if he was in trance. Totally lost in this horrible memory.

“I remember that I started screaming. Screaming at my dad to wake up, screaming at the paramedics to leave…I just…screamed.

They dragged me away from him and put his body in this huge corpse bag.

I wasn’t allowed to stay with him. Then all I remember is that I fell asleep in the ambulance and woke up in the hospital with all of you around me.” Kendall finished his story with a sign and returned to reality.

Logan, James and Carlos just sat there, not knowing what to say after they heard what their friend had to go through in such a young age.

Before any of them could say something the door to the apartment opened and Mrs. Knight and Katie entered.

“Hello boys, how ar- what happened?” she started but when she noticed the looks on each boys’ face got worried.

None of them answered.

“Boys? Oh god, what happened?” she asked dropping her stuff and got to the four teens.

Katie stayed uncomfortable in the doorway.

“Nothing happened mom. I just told them about dad.” Kendall said, not wanting his mother to worry without any reason.

“Oh.” she said and sat down beside her son when James went over and made space for her between them.

“How was your trip?” he asked, wanting to change the topic.

“It was…okay I guess.” she answered him honestly. She didn’t want to lie to her son, knowing he would notice.

Kendall nodded and looked to the floor.

The mood in the room was heavy.

“I told them about the accident.” he told his mother quietly.

Mrs. Knight looked from her son to James, to Logan, to Carlos and back to Kendall.

“Really?” she asked him a little surprised.

He nodded.

“I didn’t know that nobody ever told them how he died.” he told her.

“Because none really did Kendall. You refused to open up, that’s why we got you a therapist. He told us that if you feel ready to talk that you would and we shouldn’t make you.” she admitted.

“Oh.” was all he said.

Then he wrapped his arms around his mother and took in her familiar odour .

“Thank you for everything. I know that it was so hard for you. I love you

mom.” he whispered in her ear, not wanting anyone else to hear the words which only were supposed for his mother.

She smiled. “I love you too honey.”

“So, who is hungry?” she asked everyone with a smile.

Everyone’s mood was better and after a while they all sat together eating.

A few hours later:

Kendall was fast asleep in his bed when he heard a knock on the door and quiet footsteps enter the room.

He cracked his eyes open and sat up a little to see his sister with eyes full of tears standing beside his bed.

“Katie?” he asked worried.

“Uhm…would you-would you mind if I sleep here for the night?” she asked him quietly and ashamed.

He smiled at her, knowing how she felt and made space for her on the mattress.

The other boys were all snoring softly and didn’t even notice that Katie was there.

She crawled under the sheets and wrapped her arms around Kendall’ waist while burying her face in his chest and relaxed by the steady beat of his heart.

“Kendall?” she asked again.

“Hmm?” he responded while stroking her hair.

“Could you sing that song you used to sing when I was younger?” she asked him, feeling stupid for acting so young but needed it at the moment.

“Of course.” he smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

With that he started singing Be Still by the Fray.

He sang this song to her when they were younger every time before she went to bed.

It was the song Ken used to sing to Kendall when he was younger.

Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I’m with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still and know I am

When Kendall sang the last word he gave the now asleep Katie one last kiss on the forehead and closed his eyes, ready let sleep overtake him.

Maybe he couldn’t get his father back, not for his mother, not for himself, not for Katie.

But he could make sure his sister and mother wouldn’t feel alone. He’d be always there for them.

And his father would watch them and make sure they are all okay. Just like he promised.

Life goes on and so do they.

Haunting Memories (Chapter 1)

LA is beautiful, the sun is shining, the wind is not too strong, not too mild and everything seemed fine.

Everyone at the Palm Wood seemed in a good mood, even Bitters.

Except for four teenage boys.

Kendall and his three best friends, James, Carlos and Logan, which are a world-famous band called Big Time Rush or short BTR which live also in the Palm Woods overslept big time, because they forgot that Mrs. Knight and Katie were out-of-town for the day and couldn’t wake them up like they always did.

Katie and her mother decided to go to San Diego for the they so they could have a bit time for themselves and distract.

“GUYS! Has any of you seen my helmet?” Carlos, the ‘funny one’ and oldest of the group yelled, desperately trying to find his helmet which he always wears.

“No! Where have you seen it last?” Logan, the ‘smart one’ and second oldest of

BTR yelled back at him.

“Don’t you think if I’d know that I wouldn’t be searching for it right now?” The little Latino gave him a due look.

Logan just rolled his eyes and continued to hurry, getting ready so they won’t be any later.

“James! Are you STILL in the bathroom?!” Logan yelled for his friend.

“Perfection needs time!” James, the ‘pretty one’ and second youngest yelled back through the closed bathroom door.

“Whatever. Just hurry up! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be yelled at anymore than necessary!” Logan told him.

“Hey Logan?” Carlos asked.

“Oh Carlos, for the last time: No, I don’t know where your helmet is! If you’d take more care of your things this wouldn’t have happened again!”

“That wasn’t what I meant.” he said.

Logan turned around, noticing something was different in his voice.

“Have you seen Kendall?” he asked worried.

“Not since we all woke up this morning and hurried to get ready and he stayed in bed. I hope for him that he isn’t in his bed anymore.” Logan said in a pretended dangerous voice.

Logan went to go to their shared room when Carlos stopped him.

“What?” Logan asked.

“You know what day it is, right?” Carlos asked him.

“Uhm, Friday, why does it matter?” he asked confused.

“No, I mean the date…you remember what happened a few years ago?” Carlos continued, hoping his younger friend would get what he was trying to say.

Logan thought for a moment and then it hit him. Hard.

“Oh god, I totally forgot!” He said, suddenly feeling very bad and guilty.

“But I guess he didn’t.” Carlos said sadly.

“But still, we have to go to the studio. I’ll go wake him up. Do you want to join me?” Logan asked.


The two friends made their way to their room to wake Kendall up. But when they entered they saw Kendall already showered, fully dressed and ready to leave sitting on the edge of his bed.

They stopped and stayed in the doorway to look at their youngest friend.

Kendall didn’t notice that Logan and Carlos had entered because he was too deep in his own thoughts.

He sat on his bed and looked at a picture he always has in his wallet.

A picture which reminds him on his best days and his worst day.

A picture he keeps with him everywhere he goes and made always sure it is still there.

“Hey man, you’re okay?” Carlos asked him quietly, bringing the blond back to reality.

“Oh, hey guys. I didn’t see you come in. Is everyone ready to leave?” he asked a little nervous, hating the fact that his best friends had caught him in such a weak and private moment.

“Almost, James is still in the bathroom, trying to look great.” Carlos said and rolled his eyes at the tallest of the band.

“Hey! What do you mean with TRY to look great?!” James barked when he entered their room too.

“I always look gr-” he begun but shut up when he saw whats going on in the room.

“Oh, is everything okay?” he asked, feeling bad he just cared for his look when his friends had much more important things going on and he didn’t knew.

“So, I guess we’re all ready to leave.” Kendall said and jumped off the bed, trying to get the attention off of him.

“Uh, yeah, but don’t you want to-” James tried to say but was cut of by Kendall.

“Come on guys. Do you want Gustavo to be even more angry at us than he already is?” Kendall tried his best to smile at them when he walked past his three best friends through the door.

“No. Let’s go.” Logan said, realising that it has no use to try to get Kendall to talk with them how he felt.





“Dogs!” Gustavo yelled in his normal loud voice.

“You’re late! Again!” He continued to scream at the four teenage boys which just entered his studio.

“Look Gustavo, today was pretty stressful and we’re sor-” James started before the big producer interrupted him rudely.

“Doesn’t matter! Now go, in the studio before we waste more time with talking.” Gustavo said.

The boys groaned and made their way to the studio.

One hour later:

“Okay, stop! STOP!” Gustavo yelled again and got hit in the arm from Kelly.

“What was that?!” he continued quieter.

“Uh…singing?” Carlos suggested.

“NO!” he yelled.

Kelly glared at him and he instantly calmed himself.

“THAT was not singing. You’re totally off-key. What is the problem?” he asked the band.

“Today is just not our day.” James told him.

Just now Gustavo noticed that it was always either James, Carlos or Logan which answered him.

His normally loudest dog, Kendall, who ALWAYS had to talk back was unusually quiet.

He changed a look with his young assistant which seems to notice that something was off about Kendall too.

She slightly shook her head and signalised him that he shouldn’t confront them and just let it by itself.

“Alright, how about you boys take a little break and eat and drink something and then we try it again.” he finally said.

“Thank you Gustavo” James said and they left the recording booth.

Kelly made sure they are out of sight before she turned to Gustavo.

“Do you have any clue what’s wrong?” she asked him a little worried.

“I don’t know. Maybe they really just have a bad day?” he suggested.

“Hmm” was all she replied, still thinking about what it could be which ….the leader of Big Time Rush.





“You okay dude?” Carlos asked his blond friend.

“Guys, for the last time. I’m fine.” Kendall said a little annoyed.

The whole day the boys are asking him how he feels, if he wanted to talk or if they could do anything for him and to be honest, Kendall was more that a little annoyed by now.

“When you say so. But you know you can always talk to us if you have the urge to, right?” Logan asked him.

Kendall just signed and looked at him. “Yes Logan, I know.” he said.

They sat on the white couch and ate and drunk while talking about random stuff until a few minutes later Kelly called them back in the studio.

After three more hours they were finally done and allowed to leave the studio.

“Okay, what are we doing today? If you’d ask me, I’d like to go eat something,

I’m hungry.” Carlos said in a good mood.

“Carlos, you’re ALWAYS hungry.” Logan said with a smirk.

“Hey, that’s not true!” the little Latino complained.

James just looked at him.

“Okay, I can eat often, but not always.” he admitted.

“Whatever.” James smiled.

“What are you in the mood for, Kendall?” Logan asked the youngest of the group.

“Hm?” Kendall looked up when he heard his name, not really paying attention to the conversation.

“What do you want to do?” Logan repeated himself.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m fine with what you guys wan to do.” He shrugged.

“Oh C’mon, buddy. You have to be in the mood for something…” Carlos said unbelieving.

“Guys, really I’m not really in the mood for anything. I just want to get over with this day.” he told them.

That quieted the other three.

Kendall, noticing he just ruined the good mood felt bad and decided to just act like he is having fun.

“Alright, let’s go eat something before Carlos fells over” he smiled.

“Yey! Where are we going?” Carlos asked excited.

“Hm, how about Pizza?” Logan asked.

“No, I’d prefer Burgers.” James said.

“Then let’s go to Lucy’s Diner. They have Pizza AND Burgers.” Kendall told them.

“Ok, then what are we waiting for? I’m hungry!” Carlos said and was already on his way.

“Yo, Carlos. Wait for us dude!” James yelled after him and the others started running after him laughing about their friend.

Haunting Memories (Chapter 2)

Kendall’s Flashback:

‘Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes yeah. Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, I’ll be there,…’

The air in the car was filled with the sound by Drive by Incubus which came from the radio and by the voices from 10-year-old Kendall and his father Ken which joined the song and almost yelled the lyrics.

They sat in the car for almost one hour and were now on their way home.

Ken invited his son to a game from their favorite Hockey team, the Minnesota Wilds.

When the young boy heard where they were going he was more than happy.

He loved it when it was just him and his dad.

Of course, he loves Katie and his Mom, but it is still different if it is just him and his dad.

His dad and Hockey is the best combination, so how could he not be happy.

“Haha, did you enjoy the day big man?” Ken asked between laughter.

“Yeah, the day was amazing, thanks dad.” he smiled.

They drove for another 15 minutes and talked about the game and random stuff when it started getting darker and on top of that it started snowing pretty much.

“How long will it take us until we’re home?” Kendall asked in a calm voice, knowing his dad had to concentrate.

“Don’t worry, no more than 20 minutes.” he answered him, never looking away from the road.

Kendall could clearly hear that his dad was nervous, even if he tried to hide it.

So the young boy decided to stay quiet and let his dad fully concentrate on driving.

They drove for a little bit more than 5 minutes when the car started sliding uncontrolled.

“Dad…” Kendall called out for him worried and no longer able to keep his voice calm.

“Everything is find, buddy. Just sit still.” he told him through clenched teeth.

Kendall watched his dad with concern as he tried to get the car under control.

Finally it seems as if he has the car under control again.

“Puh, pretty stressful, huh?” he smiled at Kendall.

Kendall just smiled back, happy nothing happened.

And that was when something happened.

Through the strong snowfall Ken couldn’t see where the car was.

Obviously while trying to get the control over the car back it slide on the other side of the street, where now a Truck was coming their way.

Before Ken could react and bring himself and his son in safety the Truck hit the drives side.

Kendall heard his dad scream full of pain and fear, a sound he knew he would never be able to forget.

Then the pain hit him and everything went black.






When Kendall heard his name called he snapped out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” he asked, not knowing which one of his friends called him.

“Dude, c’mon you should eat something. You haven’t even touched your burger yet.” James said in a worried voice which made Kendall angry again.

Why couldn’t they see that Kendall doesn’t want any pity and doesn’t want to worry his friends.

“I told you I’m not hungry!” he snapped back without meaning to.

All his friends jumped, surprised at Kendall sudden outburst.

“Uhm, if you say so.” James said quiet and highly uncomfortable.

“So you..don’t want to eat your Burger?” Carlos asked from the other side of the table with shining eyes, an empty plate and a with burger sauce messed up mouth.

“Go ahead.” Kendall said and pushed his Burger to Carlos, knowing exactly what he wants.

“Thanks man, you’re the best.” The Latino hurried to say before he shove the Burger in his moth and in his rush splashed sauce on Logan’ shirt.

“Hey! Carlos gross!” Logan shrieked.

“‘or-y.” Carlos apologized as good as possible with a full mouth.

Logan rolled his eyes and looked back at Kendall.




Logan’s flashback:

10-year-old Logan sat in his math lesson, enjoying it more than everybody his age.

He looked over to one of his best friends Carlos. The little boy was about to fall asleep, so Logan threw a scrunched paper at him and laughed at his expression when it hit his head.

Carlos did get it wrong. He thought Logan did it to tease him and threw it back at him.

The paper ball flew directly in Logan’ face and shut the boy who glared at Carlos.

James chuckled from his place, trying to be not too loud so they won’t get punished from the teacher.

‘James Diamond, Logan Mitchel and Carlos Garcia in the office please.’ came from the speaker.

The three friends changed a look, wondering which one of their pranks caused them trouble again.

The got up and went to the office.

“What do they possibly want from us?” Carlos asked confused.

“I don’t know. Probably we’ll get punished because of a prank they didn’t think was funny.” Logan answered back.

“Oh, that’s so not fair! When we prank someone we’re always four but Kendall is not here to get his punishment!” Carlos complained.

“Ohh, I swear if I’ll get punished I’ll punish him myself.” James muttered.

They knocked on the door and got called in.

“Uhm, hello? We got called here…” Logan said to the secretary, Ms. Steward.

“I know honey. Director Miller is already waiting for you three.” she said in a voice with an emotion Logan would describe as…pity?

“Oh, um, okay, thank you.” Logan said for all of them, confused by the pity in Ms. Stewards voice.

James knocked on Mr. Miller’s door.

“Yes?” it answered through the closed door.

The three entered the room.

“Oh, there you boys are. Would you please come and sit down.” He offered them chairs.

And again Logan could hear pity in the voice, by now he was more than a little worried.

“Thanks director Miller.” James thanked.

“So, can I ask you boys a question?” he asked and all of them could sense that he feels uncomfortable.

“Uh, sure, I guess.” Carlos said.

“When was the last time you’ve seen Kendall?” He asked them.

They were all a little unsure how to answer.

They didn’t expect a question like this.

“Oh, yesterday. We had hockey practise.” James answered.

“And after that? Did you know if he had to planed to go somewhere?” Mr. Miller continued to ask.

“Yeah, he and his dad went to a hockey game, why?” Carlos said.

Mr. Miller took a deep breath and by then all the boys were afraid what he was about to say.

“Guys, Kendall and his dad did go to the game, but when they were driving home, they got in an accident.” he told the boys.

The three pre-teens gasped.

“I’m so sorry boys, I know how close you all are. I can imag-” he begun but Carlos interrupted, suddenly able to talk again.

“Wait! Is he okay? Kendall isn’t hurt, is he? I mean I talked to him yesterday and no-” he said but Logan calmed him when he put his arm around his shoulder.

“Guys, Kendall is okay. He got a few cracked ribs, a broken leg some cuts over his face and torso and hit his head pretty strong and has a concussion, but he is okay.” he told them.

Logan felt that this wasn’t everything and then it hit him.

“You say Kendall is alright?” he asked with a shaky voice.

Mr. Miller nodded.

“And his dad?” he asked quietly.

Mr. Miller looked him directly in the eyes, shocked at the question and looked to the floor.

Logan felt tears running down his cheeks, because he just realised what had happened.

Kendall has lost his father.

I’m Not Perfect (Chapter 1)

“James! Jamie, wake up! Come on, James, we don’t have a lot of time to get ready!”

An annoyed sigh left James’ lips the moment his eyes cracked open. Through the fogginess of his mind, he could make out the figure of Kendall’s face hovering just mere inches above his own. He emitted a not-so-manly squeak from somewhere down his throat at the sight, because he really wasn’t expecting to be greeted by that the moment he gained back his consciousness from a dream-filled sleep. Then again, who would? But this was Kendall, and Kendall could pretty much invade his personal space without really meaning to. The blond was just a naturally friendly and clingy person, who tended to do that with pretty much everybody.

“Get ready for what?” James asked, right hand moving to rub the sleep from his eyes.

“Time to get ready, so we don’t arrive late at Rocque Records, and Gustavo doesn’t kill us for the billionth time this week!” Kendall explained in a high-pitched voice. James couldn’t help rolling his eyes at his best friend.

“Relax, dude.” James pushed gently on Kendall’s chest, forcing the smaller boy to stumble to his feet. “Get yourself ready. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“Okay,” Kendall said in response. “Just don’t take too long, because we roughly have over twenty minutes, then we have to catch the limo.”

“Will do, mother!” James said jokingly as he watched Kendall back out of the room.

Suppressing a yawn, the brunette rose on both feet, kicking his wrinkly blankets to the side, and went to gather his clothes from his closet. Staring at every piece of clothing he owned, for a little past a couple of seconds, James decided on a blue t-shirt lying at the bottom of the closet and on a pair of sweatpants. He gathered them into his hands and walked into the bathroom connected to the bedroom he shared with Carlos.

Trying to be as quick as possible, James changed into his studio clothes and got himself ready for the day that was awaiting him. He looked into the mirror as he combed his brown locks of hair, tired eyes staring back at him through the glass. He was tired out of his mind, but there was not much he could do about it. He had to suck it up if he wanted to keep his job, which was to him the best job in the world.

Stumbling over his own feet, James ran out of the bathroom. He had thirteen minutes left according to the digital clock on his nightstand. Quickly, he slipped on his shoes and ran all the way to the kitchen. To his surprise, everybody was up and about. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos were sitting on the bar stools in the kitchen, impatiently watching Mrs. Knight, who was standing near the stove, preparing what appeared to be eggs and bacon, judging by the smell.

“Morning guys,” James said with a smile as he sat down beside a drooling Carlos and Logan.

“Morning,” Logan and Kendall said simultaneously, Carlos apparently being too busy dreaming about the food that would soon be sitting in front of him, to even mumble a reply.

“Did Gustavo say what we were going to be working on today?” the brunette asked curiously, eyes shifting between Kendall and Logan.

“Yeah,” Kendall answered, “he said we would be recording that new song he was writing last week. Said something about it being done, and Griffin wanting a new single out soon. And by the way he said it, I’m guessing he wants it by some time this week. I mean, you know how Griffin can be. Once he sets his mind on a date, there’s no changing his mind whatsoever.”

“True,” James and Logan said at once.

And it was true. Griffin expected a lot out of them, and since they never gave him a reason not to, his expectations on the four boys had only increased as the time flew by. They had now been living in LA for a little over a year, meaning that his expectations were a lot higher than when they had first been signed to work with Gustavo on some demos.

“Boys, breakfast is ready!” Mrs. Knight shouted happily, knocking the boys from their previous conversation. All four boys grinned happily, Carlos jumping up with a cry of joy. The surrogate mother of five smiled at the joyful gesture, being used to it after knowing James and Carlos for eleven years now, and Logan for nine.

“Here you go, guys,” she said as she started to pass around a plate for each boy. Soon enough, the four boys were digging into their meal, kind of like starving animals. Mrs. Knight watched them, shaking her head at the eating boys. “You’re all going to end up chocking on that food if you eat any faster,” she sad warningly. However, the boys paid no attention to her. “Boys!”

“Sorry mom,” Kendall apologized between a mouthful of food. “We don’t have much time left. Gustavo is gonna murder us if we’re late again.” With that being said, the blond got up from his seat and placed his empty plate on the sink. The rest of the boys followed suit right after him.

“Bye mom.” With a smile on his face, Kendall leaned forward and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. By then James, Carlos, and Logan had already exited the apartment. With one final wave, Kendall walked out of the apartment in search of his best friends. To his surprise, James was standing outside of the apartment with a goofy smile adorning his tan face.

“Hurry up, squirt,” James said jokingly, wrapping an arm around Kendall’s shoulders and giving him a sideways hug. With a laugh, he wrapped the same arm around Kendall’s neck and gave him a nuggie.

“Don’t call me squirt!” Kendall yelped as he pulled away from the giggling brunette. James only laughed even harder at the playful glare the younger boy sent in his direction.

“I’ll call you whatever I want to call you,” James retorted. He grinned evilly at the pouting blond and stretched out his arms in front of him, fingers wiggling freely in the air. As soon as Kendall noticed this, he bolted towards the stairs, knowing they were much faster than the elevators. Behind him, he could hear James laughing away. He just hoped he could reach the limousine or Carlos and Logan before James could reach him.

“Guys, h-help!” the blond yelled out desperately as he ran out of the Palm Woods lobby and through the pool area. Several curious eyes turned to the boy with confused eyes while he ran past, but no one made a move to help him, so he kept running until he reached the black limousine waiting outside for him. To his relief, one of the doors was cracked open, giving him the chance to jump inside, only to land on an unexpected Logan and Carlos.

“Got you!”

Kendall let out a squeak when a hand wrapped around his ankle. He heard the door of the limousine close, followed by the sound of the engine coming to life. It wasn’t long before he was a giggling and squirming mess in Logan’s and Carlos’ laps, while James’ fingers busied themselves ticking the blond boy’s sides.

“No… James, p-p-please! I c-can’t breathe!” Kendall cried out, eyes watering up with tears from laughing so much. Soon enough, Logan and Carlos had joined in on the tickling fight; Carlos tickling Kendall as well, while Logan decided to help the gasping boy by tickling James.

By the time the limousine halted in front of Rocque Records, all four boys were on the floor, all on top of one another with Kendall on the bottom and James on the very top. Carlos was on top of Logan, who was on top of Kendall.

“Guys, I would greatly appreciate it if you all GOT UP FROM ON TOP OF ME!”

Chuckling, James reached for the limo’s door handle, succeeding in opening the door. But as soon as the door was wide open, he fell out, followed by Carlos and Logan. Kendall crawled out of the limo with a grin on his face.

“Losers!” he shouted over his shoulder as he ran inside Rocque Records. The other boys followed after him, dreading the exhausting hours that were to come their way.