All posts by BigTimeRush-BTR

Hiya! :D Welcome to my profile. You all may know me as BigTimeRush-BTR on FanFiction or KendallsCGU on Twitter. I'm 17 years old. :) I love to write, especially fanfictions based off of the characters of Big Time Rush. My favorite character on the show is Kendall Knight, so on my stories, you'll most likely see a lot of him. Kogan bromance is something else I love to write, so there will be a lot of that as well, but there will also be other bromances. Pretty much any BTR bromance out there. :) For right now, that's pretty much all I have to say, but I'll make sure to add more to my profile later on. :D Love, Dani :)

I’m Not Perfect (Chapter 1)

“James! Jamie, wake up! Come on, James, we don’t have a lot of time to get ready!”

An annoyed sigh left James’ lips the moment his eyes cracked open. Through the fogginess of his mind, he could make out the figure of Kendall’s face hovering just mere inches above his own. He emitted a not-so-manly squeak from somewhere down his throat at the sight, because he really wasn’t expecting to be greeted by that the moment he gained back his consciousness from a dream-filled sleep. Then again, who would? But this was Kendall, and Kendall could pretty much invade his personal space without really meaning to. The blond was just a naturally friendly and clingy person, who tended to do that with pretty much everybody.

“Get ready for what?” James asked, right hand moving to rub the sleep from his eyes.

“Time to get ready, so we don’t arrive late at Rocque Records, and Gustavo doesn’t kill us for the billionth time this week!” Kendall explained in a high-pitched voice. James couldn’t help rolling his eyes at his best friend.

“Relax, dude.” James pushed gently on Kendall’s chest, forcing the smaller boy to stumble to his feet. “Get yourself ready. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“Okay,” Kendall said in response. “Just don’t take too long, because we roughly have over twenty minutes, then we have to catch the limo.”

“Will do, mother!” James said jokingly as he watched Kendall back out of the room.

Suppressing a yawn, the brunette rose on both feet, kicking his wrinkly blankets to the side, and went to gather his clothes from his closet. Staring at every piece of clothing he owned, for a little past a couple of seconds, James decided on a blue t-shirt lying at the bottom of the closet and on a pair of sweatpants. He gathered them into his hands and walked into the bathroom connected to the bedroom he shared with Carlos.

Trying to be as quick as possible, James changed into his studio clothes and got himself ready for the day that was awaiting him. He looked into the mirror as he combed his brown locks of hair, tired eyes staring back at him through the glass. He was tired out of his mind, but there was not much he could do about it. He had to suck it up if he wanted to keep his job, which was to him the best job in the world.

Stumbling over his own feet, James ran out of the bathroom. He had thirteen minutes left according to the digital clock on his nightstand. Quickly, he slipped on his shoes and ran all the way to the kitchen. To his surprise, everybody was up and about. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos were sitting on the bar stools in the kitchen, impatiently watching Mrs. Knight, who was standing near the stove, preparing what appeared to be eggs and bacon, judging by the smell.

“Morning guys,” James said with a smile as he sat down beside a drooling Carlos and Logan.

“Morning,” Logan and Kendall said simultaneously, Carlos apparently being too busy dreaming about the food that would soon be sitting in front of him, to even mumble a reply.

“Did Gustavo say what we were going to be working on today?” the brunette asked curiously, eyes shifting between Kendall and Logan.

“Yeah,” Kendall answered, “he said we would be recording that new song he was writing last week. Said something about it being done, and Griffin wanting a new single out soon. And by the way he said it, I’m guessing he wants it by some time this week. I mean, you know how Griffin can be. Once he sets his mind on a date, there’s no changing his mind whatsoever.”

“True,” James and Logan said at once.

And it was true. Griffin expected a lot out of them, and since they never gave him a reason not to, his expectations on the four boys had only increased as the time flew by. They had now been living in LA for a little over a year, meaning that his expectations were a lot higher than when they had first been signed to work with Gustavo on some demos.

“Boys, breakfast is ready!” Mrs. Knight shouted happily, knocking the boys from their previous conversation. All four boys grinned happily, Carlos jumping up with a cry of joy. The surrogate mother of five smiled at the joyful gesture, being used to it after knowing James and Carlos for eleven years now, and Logan for nine.

“Here you go, guys,” she said as she started to pass around a plate for each boy. Soon enough, the four boys were digging into their meal, kind of like starving animals. Mrs. Knight watched them, shaking her head at the eating boys. “You’re all going to end up chocking on that food if you eat any faster,” she sad warningly. However, the boys paid no attention to her. “Boys!”

“Sorry mom,” Kendall apologized between a mouthful of food. “We don’t have much time left. Gustavo is gonna murder us if we’re late again.” With that being said, the blond got up from his seat and placed his empty plate on the sink. The rest of the boys followed suit right after him.

“Bye mom.” With a smile on his face, Kendall leaned forward and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. By then James, Carlos, and Logan had already exited the apartment. With one final wave, Kendall walked out of the apartment in search of his best friends. To his surprise, James was standing outside of the apartment with a goofy smile adorning his tan face.

“Hurry up, squirt,” James said jokingly, wrapping an arm around Kendall’s shoulders and giving him a sideways hug. With a laugh, he wrapped the same arm around Kendall’s neck and gave him a nuggie.

“Don’t call me squirt!” Kendall yelped as he pulled away from the giggling brunette. James only laughed even harder at the playful glare the younger boy sent in his direction.

“I’ll call you whatever I want to call you,” James retorted. He grinned evilly at the pouting blond and stretched out his arms in front of him, fingers wiggling freely in the air. As soon as Kendall noticed this, he bolted towards the stairs, knowing they were much faster than the elevators. Behind him, he could hear James laughing away. He just hoped he could reach the limousine or Carlos and Logan before James could reach him.

“Guys, h-help!” the blond yelled out desperately as he ran out of the Palm Woods lobby and through the pool area. Several curious eyes turned to the boy with confused eyes while he ran past, but no one made a move to help him, so he kept running until he reached the black limousine waiting outside for him. To his relief, one of the doors was cracked open, giving him the chance to jump inside, only to land on an unexpected Logan and Carlos.

“Got you!”

Kendall let out a squeak when a hand wrapped around his ankle. He heard the door of the limousine close, followed by the sound of the engine coming to life. It wasn’t long before he was a giggling and squirming mess in Logan’s and Carlos’ laps, while James’ fingers busied themselves ticking the blond boy’s sides.

“No… James, p-p-please! I c-can’t breathe!” Kendall cried out, eyes watering up with tears from laughing so much. Soon enough, Logan and Carlos had joined in on the tickling fight; Carlos tickling Kendall as well, while Logan decided to help the gasping boy by tickling James.

By the time the limousine halted in front of Rocque Records, all four boys were on the floor, all on top of one another with Kendall on the bottom and James on the very top. Carlos was on top of Logan, who was on top of Kendall.

“Guys, I would greatly appreciate it if you all GOT UP FROM ON TOP OF ME!”

Chuckling, James reached for the limo’s door handle, succeeding in opening the door. But as soon as the door was wide open, he fell out, followed by Carlos and Logan. Kendall crawled out of the limo with a grin on his face.

“Losers!” he shouted over his shoulder as he ran inside Rocque Records. The other boys followed after him, dreading the exhausting hours that were to come their way.

I'm Not Perfect (Prologue)

Summary: James was always seen as the definition of perfection. Everyone saw him as perfect. Everyone except himself. In his eyes, he needed to work hard to earn that title. Too bad he didn’t know that sometimes people hurt themselves by trying to be what society shoves down their throats. – Rated: T – Genre: Angst/Friendship – Characters: James & Kendall

Perfection.

To his friends and the people around him, James was the definition of perfection. With his soft and silky, chestnut-colored locks of hair, hazel and bright eyes, and charming smile, he was always seen as flawless. Never was he seen with a strand of hair sticking up in an odd direction; his hair always being combed to perfection. His down to earth personality and Diamond charm did nothing to help his situation. The girls fell head over heels for him; the boys envied him. While that was a gift, it could also be seen as a curse. Because James Diamond was seen as perfect to anybody around him, except himself.

As a child and teenager, James had always had the dream of becoming famous, whether it was as a pop star, actor, or model. He loved it when he was the center of attention. Somehow, having people clapping for him and cheering him on always gave him a boost of confidence. He loved the attention. He dreamed of one day performing for thousands of people. Singing was his passion, and he hoped that one day, singing could become his job.

It was until he was sixteen years old that the opportunity became presented to him. As his eyes focused on the television in front of him, a smile turned his lips upward. This was it! He could finally have the career he had always wanted. He could finally become famous. All he had to do was get to Gustavo Rocque’s audition on time and make sure that the producer liked him.

To him, the task was easier than counting from one to three.

But as Kelly Wainwright –Gustavo’s assistant– handed out little sticky slips of paper with numbers to see which of the four best friends would go first, and in what order they would go in, James became nervous. Suddenly, the idea of performing for the famous producer wasn’t so tempting.

In a rush, James removed his sticky paper with the number 810 on it and stuck it onto Logan’s shirt, at the same time taking the sticky paper with the number 811 and sticking it onto his vest. He had nervously smiled at his shorter best friend and told him to go ahead before him. Of course, Logan having no interest in the matter, had claimed that he couldn’t sing. But thanks to Kendall’s quick way of thinking, the second smallest of the four had gone up and beat boxed for Gustavo. Unfortunately, the only response he got from the grumpy man was to be yelled at in his face. To say he was traumatized would have been an easy way of putting how he was feeling into words.

Then number 811 was next, and James was forced to trade sticky papers with Carlos so that he wouldn’t go next. Logan’s claim of Gustavo being Satan with bug-eyed sunglasses had really freaked him out, and frankly, he was now terrified out of his mind.

When Carlos came back, he had a rather pleased smile on his face, as he told his best friends that he wasn’t going to Hollywood. James didn’t even want to know what his smaller friend had done. With Carlos being Carlos, he could only guess that the boy had done something very stupid that most likely got him humiliated.

For the third time that day, James reached to trade sticky papers with Kendall. The shorter boy, however, had other plans. Unlike his two other friends, Kendall was bull-headed and stubborn. He may not have been as smart as Logan, but he was definitely wise beyond his years. That was something James had always admired about him.

“James, this is your dream, not mine. Now, remember, opportunities like these come once in a lifetime. Now, grab on to that dream with both hands and go BIG TIME!” Kendall, always trying to encourage his best friends had said those exact words to James, right before pushing him towards the doors of the auditorium in which they were to audition. Still nervous and a bit scared –though he had to admit, Kendall’s words had given him an unknown courage– the brunette had walked forward and positioned himself in front of the so-called-Satan, not knowing what was to come his way.

“I don’t need good. I need the fire. I need someone to knock me out of my seat, and as you can tell, I’m still in it. Because you have NO TALENT!”

Gustavo’s words had stung, much like a knife to the heart. So apparently he was good, but not good enough to have the fire Gustavo was looking for. He might have had talent and a pretty face, but that was not enough to win the producer over. He wasn’t good enough. The pain hit him full-force. His insecurities brought him crashing down, until he saw Kendall stand up from his seat and confront the angry producer.

James watched in surprise as Kendall shouted in Gustavo’s face, then jumping onto the table in front of him and his assistant, only to resume his angry rampage. He was mad; James could tell. By the way he started singing his Giant Turd Song and insulting the man in front of him, James knew Kendall was not a happy camper at the moment.

The brunette watched with worried eyes as Carlos jumped out of his seat in order to remove the security guards that had now surrounded his best friend. Without a second thought, James joined in on the fight. Logan and Mrs. Majikowski were soon joined in on the fight. It wasn’t long before the cops were called and the boys were escorted back to Kendall’s house, where Kendall’s mother opened the door with an amused look on her face.

So James had not been good enough for Gustavo? James could live with that. Sure, he was sad and a bit mad, but it wasn’t something his friends could not fix with a night of games and being their goofy selves. Another opportunity would most likely appear to him in the near future. He wasn’t concerned about that.

But then Gustavo returned. He thought he had come back for him, but that wasn’t the case. Gustavo wanted Kendall. Kendall was the fire Gustavo had been searching for. He had finally found his new star after touring 22 cities and auditioning 20,000 teenagers, and it wasn’t James. While it hurt to know that his best friend would live the dream James had always wanted, he felt oddly satisfied and proud –not for himself but for Kendall. He wanted Kendall to take this opportunity into his own hands and do something positive with it. Kendall was passion-driven; surely, he would do what was right. But then, why had he rejected Gustavo’s offer?

James felt like slamming his head into a wall after Kendall declined to go with Gustavo to Los Angeles in order to become a popular singer. Was this it? Was Kendall going to give up that easily?

For the rest of that night and part of the next day, James felt like he hated Kendall. While his head wanted to hate Kendall, he knew that deep inside his heart, he still loved the blond like a brother. But there was no denying that he was upset over his decision.

It was the next day, when the boys were visiting Kendall at Sherwood –which was the supermarket he worked in– that they finally managed to convince Kendall to go with Gustavo. The youngest of the four had other plans in mind, though, for when Gustavo went to talk to him, he suggested that he had to take all four of them with him. He made it very clear that he would not be going to LA by himself, unless his best friends were by his side. The suggestion was a kind and selfless one; James found himself smiling after the green-eyed boy had suggested it to Gustavo. And when Gustavo finally said “yes”, James wanted to cry with happiness. And he would be lying if he said that he didn’t run back home to cry into his pillow due to the joy that was running through his body.

It took both James and Kendall a lot of convincing in order to get Mrs. Diamond to let James go to Hollywood, but she eventually gave in. Within a period of 24 hours, the boys were in a plane on their way to sunny Los Angeles.

James thought that moving to LA with his best friends would be the best thing for him. But it seemed like faith had other plans. With everything going on around him, and James receiving constant pressure from Gustavo and hateful words, James felt his self-confidence slowly decrease, until he felt pretty much worthless and drained out of energy.

James was referred to as “the pretty boy” pretty much wherever he went. Gustavo had told him multiple times that he had to create an image for himself, and not ruin it. He had to keep being pretty. Had to keep winning the girls over. He had to keep being the best he could be.

James had to be perfect.

Not one little flaw could be seen on him. He had to be the best of the best; the prettiest boy in town.

James hadn’t thought much of it back then, but after some time passed by, he came to a conclusion. Maybe if he acted perfect and was perfect, Gustavo would finally accept him for who he was. Maybe he could finally be who he was without being judged.

James smiled as he looked at his reflection on the mirror that stood in the bathroom of Rocque Records. He might have not been perfect then, but he would be… in a matter of time. Time was all he needed. Time to create the perfect image of himself.

See You Later

Summary: “Don’t say goodbye. Think of it as, see you later,” James said softly. As gently as possible, he pried Kendall away from him and grabbed his suitcase. With one final wave and a small smile, he walked out of the door, leaving Kendall standing in the middle of the living room with tears spilling from his green eyes. A fluffy Kames bromance one-shot. – Rated: K+ – Genre: Friendship/Hurt/Comfort – Characters: Kendall & James

“Do you really have to go?”

James tore his eyes away from the suitcase on his bed at the sound of his best friend’s voice. There, standing in the doorway to the bedroom he shared with Carlos, stood Kendall. The blond was dressed in his pajamas, as it was almost time for bed. Logan and Carlos had already headed to bed, but apparently Kendall had not. The smaller boy stared off at James with sadness in his eyes; face pale with fear. James swallowed the lump that had grown in his throat and let the article of clothing he had previously been folding fall to the bed.

“You know I have to,” James whispered softly in fear of awakening the smaller boy asleep in the bed on the other side of the room. He walked over to Kendall and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Kendall leaned against his touch, head moving to rest against James’ broad shoulder as the two made their way to the orange couch in the living room.

Gently, James pushed Kendall to sit on the cushions on the couch. With a soft smile, he kneeled down in front of the smaller boy, taking a hold of Kendall’s slim wrists into his hands and rubbing the boy’s knuckles in an attempt to make him feel a little better. However, the pain in Kendall’s eyes lingered; not once fading. James could only stare at his little brother with a sad smile, wishing he could take that pain away from Kendall’s heart.

“I don’t want you to go. I’m gonna miss you,” Kendall said, breaking the silence in the apartment. The younger boy’s words only brought a frown to stretch across James’ face; pulling his smile downward.

“I’ll be back as soon as possible, Kenny. I’m only going to visit some relatives, remember? It won’t take long. And you can text me and call me whenever you want. I promise I’ll answer you as soon as I can,” he promised with a pain-filled voice. He kept his hazel eyes trained on Kendall’s emerald ones, hoping to see a change in his best friend’s emotions. But there was no change. Kendall continued to look as sad as ever with a glimmer of tears in his eyes, and his lips formed into a sad pout.

“I’ll be back soon, Kendall,” James said in a last attempt to ease Kendall’s obvious pain, as he saw Mrs. Knight emerge from her bedroom with her car keys in her right hand.

“James, are you ready sweetie?”

Sighing, James gave Mrs. Knight a small nod. “Yeah, I’m ready Mama Knight,” he whispered hoarsely. He got up from his position on the floor and started to make his way back to his bedroom. But he sure didn’t miss the quiet “not soon enough” that slipped from Kendall’s lips.

Oh Kendall, James thought sadly. With a sad look on his face, he took the sweater he had been folding before and started to fold it again, only to stop seconds later. He stared at the soft sweater in his hands for a couple of seconds before an idea came to him.

Smiling to himself, James threw the sweater over his shoulder and zipped up his suitcase. With one last look at his room he walked out of the room and into the living room, where Mrs. Knight was sitting down with Kendall.

“Kendall?”

“Yeah?” Kendall looked up at James with teary eyes and a questioning look. Instead of answering him, James sat down in the small space on the side of Kendall Mrs. Knight wasn’t occupying. Giving the boys some privacy, Mrs. Knight walked over to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. James smiled and handed Kendall his sweater.

“Take it,” the brunette encouraged the confused boy as Kendall just stared at the piece of clothing being offered to him. Kendall raised a bushy eyebrow, extending a hand forward and taking the sweater from James. He stared at it, not really understanding why James was giving it to him.

“What for?” Kendall questioned. James simply smiled as he got up from the couch.

“Just keep it, alright? Maybe… it’ll help you.” The taller boy walked over to Mrs. Knight with a smile on his face, dragging his suitcase behind. “Okay, I’m ready, Mama K. Let’s go.”

Mrs. Knight sent James a sad smile, seeing the hurt in the boy’s hazel irises. She walked over to the door and walked out of the apartment, but not before taking a look at her son, who remained seated on the couch with James’ sweater beside him. His face was buried in his hands, silent sniffles being heard through the silence.

Before James followed Mrs. Knight’s footsteps, he placed his suitcase on the floor near the door, and walked over to the smaller boy. Trying his best to hold his tears back, the brunette kneeled down once again and wrapped both of his arms around Kendall’s skinnier body.

“I love you, Kenny,” James whispered against Kendall’s ear as he buried his nose against the soft locks of golden hair.

Kendall shifted in his arms and tightened his hold on James. “I love you, too,” the blond mumbled. “I’ll miss you.”

Slowly, James pulled away from Kendall. He gently brushed his thumbs against the boy’s cheeks so that his salty tears were gone. “I know, buddy. I’m gonna miss you, too. But it’ll be okay. You’ll see… I really have to go now, though. Your mom is probably waiting for me in the lobby.”

“O-okay. I understand.” With a sniffle, Kendall stood up and wrapped his arms around James one last time. “Goodbye, James.” James stiffened at his words.

“Don’t say goodbye. Think of it as, see you later,” James said softly. As gently as possible, he pried Kendall away from him and grabbed his suitcase. With one final wave and a small smile, he walked out of the door, leaving Kendall standing in the middle of the living room with tears spilling from his green eyes.

Quietly, Kendall whispered, “See you later, Jay.”

He didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sleepy, and he was sure he wouldn’t be getting any sleep any time soon. So instead of heading to bed like he should have, Kendall fell back against the couch and curled up into a ball. He curled his fingers around James’ sweater and pulled it close to his chest. It smelled just like James, and somehow, the thought brought a smile to Kendall’s face despite his tears.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Kendall walked over to his room and closed the door shut behind him. He removed the jacket he was wearing over his pajamas and replaced it with James’ sweater. He giggled softly to himself at the realization that the sweater fit too big on him. The sleeves reached past his fingertips, and the sweater itself was too baggy on him. But at the moment, he didn’t really care; all that he cared about was that he had a piece of James with him.

Quietly, Kendall shuffled his feet against the carpeted floor in his room and crawled into bed. He rolled over onto his side and shut his eyes. A real smile was now present on his face, for he knew that he would soon have James by his side again.

But for now, he had James’ sweater. He finally knew what James meant when he said it would help. It did help. It lessened his pain, but only James could completely take it away for good. But he had to wait, because good things come to those who wait.